... which is what I spoke of last entry -

Friday week ago I woke up after another failed overdose. So I recall Wednesday 'round four am. Subsequent questioning of various people reveals that I vomited all over the bedroom floor (a psych nurse suggested I may actually be allergic to the drugs I've tried to OD on), then bumbled my way to the bedroom next door, thus alerting one flatmate to the emergency type situation. The wicked bruising to knees (and lack of skin on one) is likely from when the ambo's decided I could make it to the ambulance by myself. Both ankles are sprained, probably at the same time, one very badly, and I have the oddest bruise lines on the sides of my feet.  read more »

This is what happens when I do nothing of note for a while... journal turns into just me and my psychiatric adventures.

After my last-but-one (I think) psych visit where they upped the dose on anti depressant number one (Effexor XR, for anyone interested, and Evanzor is t'other one,) I have rotated to a new psych. Because my guy, who I liked fine, was a registrar and they move around every six months. So now I'm bumped up to seeing a more senior chick who doesn't rotate and who I like less. And she's dropped the dose on anti depressant one, and we'll drop it off over a few weeks then try something new.  read more »

I've been feeling extra crappy this past week. Crappy to the point where I refused to get out of bed on Saturday, thus screwing up plans to do stuff. (Sorry about that guys.)

So not much to say. Feel like crap, it's been too damn hot, haven't been online. Saw my psych today, and we're upping the dose on the second anti depressant. He was torn between which of the two to increase (really torn, like - tried to find the senior shrink) and I'm not sure whether he found my 'flip a coin?' suggestion helpful. This was after he'd mentioned again that more ECT is still an option and asked how I felt about that. And the response is that I don't much care one way or the other. I agreed that that's probably a symptom in itself... Wanna electrocute me? - Sure, whatever.  read more »

I have spent an inordinate amount of recent history staring arch nemesis fashion at a watered-down glass of apple juice. The glass is nearly half empty, I haven't vomited, and that's good considering yesterday my stomach wouldn't leave water where I put it.

So, I have gastro, it's thirty degrees, and I am going to die because I can't eat and I am on the new fangled pills that make me eat like a horse. I have no idea what I couldn't be arsed updating my LJ with since the last time...

Except - drugs! There was all kinds of drama when the pharmacist decided to exceed his authority and not supply drugs. So I had a script for a drug - a note from a qualified person authorised to presrcibe drugs saying I should have drug X. And the chemist decides I can't be on drug X, because I am already on drug W, also prescribed for me by a medical doctor. So the chemist - who is not a doctor at all - refuses to fill the srcipt for drug W. Drug W is the one with warnings all over like "DO NOT STOP TAKING THIS DRUG SUDDENLY" and "DO NOT CHANGE OR LOWER THE DOSE UNLESS YOUR DOCTOR TELLS YOU TO". And the chemist refused to give it me on a Friday morning... except that "me" in this case is my representative authorised in writing to collect repeats on my behalf. And they try ringing my doctor and case manager and such to work out the issue. So then, I get told not in the morning about this foofaraah - but at six-thirty at night on a Friday, when all the doctors have gone home for a few days. By Saturday, I have decided that I'll be damned if I am going through withdrawal effects from W and then adjustment effects when it restarts, and so we go in to the chemist and I ask what the issue is. I am fully prepared to demand they give me the written script (which they hold because I am too silly to be allowed access to drugs) because it is technically my property and I'll get it filled somewhere else. Instead, they accept my word that yes - I am somewhat unusual, and fill the script for W, which they have never seen prescribed at the same time as X. Not that they are a doctor anyway, mind.  read more »

That Evanzor packs quite a punch. I spent today either unconscious or in a totally retarded state. Still having issues with moving and coordination. The floor will see alot more coffee before I adjust, methinks.

[Music: Klinik - The Howl Of The Tempest]
[Mood: indescribable]

I feel like I'm going to irk up everywhere. No idea why... I felt a bit ill yesterday as well.

Saw my psych today (and my non-swami case manager), and I am now on two anti-depressants. The new one is Evanzor. Or Mirtazapine, for the generically inclined. Or 1,2,3,4,10,14b-hexahydro-2-methylpyrazino[2,1-a] pyrido [2,3-c] benzazepine, for the chemically inclined.

Hopefully it'll help with sleep as well, as there are better than even odds that the main side effect will be sleep. Yaay. It'll take a few days to get the dose up though. Assuming I stop at one and not reach the range I have with anti-dep one.  read more »

Amway Amway Amway

Long time no update. Partly because I can't be arsed, and in part because I was without a computer for a while. But now I have a shiny new second-hand Mac, and am feeling partially arsed.

I forget where I left off though... oh yeah, that's the beauty of a journal. I didn't see the Swami again. Just canceled any appointments he made and never called back. I did see the psychiatrist who's supervising my file - and I nearly got a laugh. Part of the training involves them not reacting to anything you say, so it can be a challenge to throw them off-balance.

I haven't been doing very much else except house stuff and seeing psychs. I have "plateaued" so in the next couple of weeks they'll add a second anti-depressant on top of the current one. Speaking of which, I have run into the second wave of side effects for these pills. So I should be getting happy by now, if it's going to work, instead I just have a strange numb / pins-and-needles experience happening, and worse concentration.  read more »