The high point of my day was at lunch time when I was on Flinders Lane and saw a ute go past. This ute was special since it had three life size paper maché women riding in the tray. They were kind of badly made, but had been painted, and the only features that looked to have real effort put into them were their breasts. They were all topless, by the way. I'm not a guy - but I'd still say these breasts were excessive.

(excerpted from old journal)

On the train this morning I was sitting across from a couple. The guy had no obvious problems or deformities - but I couldn't shake the thought that he'd purchased her from the Philippines. This guy had a laptop, and he was staring at it intently. Sometimes his tongue stuck out. He wasn't typing or anything, but didn't move his hands from the keyboard. When he wanted something, he'd ask her. She was holding up things for him to read, getting his phone and holding it up to his hear after dialling. She even fed him a banana. Freaky.

Here's something I've never done before. I'm 'on The Pill,' and today's Wednesday. But Wednesday is gone, and I sure as hell haven't had Wednesday today. My favourite blonde joke is 'Why do blondes take The Pill? - So they know what day it is.' This screws that logic.  read more »

Then a bunch of us were talking about static. This is because someone had fluff all over his trouser cuffs. I explained how wonderfully erotic the furry look is, and that sometimes I just wanted to wear synthetics and roll all over the carpet.

(excerpted from old journal)'

He's very proud of his drinking though. Apparently there had only been two people thrown out of the VIP tent - him, and the crown prince of Monaco. So he's decided that he isn't just in good company. He is good company. There were also supposedly sexy chicks everywhere who were loving him. I figure they just didn't speak english and thought it'd be safer to smile and nod.

(excerpted from old journal)

(...) When he gets back there'll be a message from me that just says "BASTARD!!"

Then I told our solicitors that I would kill, give my firstborn, or degrade myself publicly for an adjournment. They'll see what they can do.

I explained one of my systems to the chick I sit across from today. When I go through files, I have different colour highlighters for different things. From green for good, they go through yellow and orange, then to pink for very bad. She'd asked what all the smudges were. I explained that those are 'ivory' and they are bad beyond the wildest pink. They get there when I bash my head on the desk, leaving smudges of foundation on the offending file.  read more »

(...) A branch manager called to ask how bad it was in dollar amounts. I told him, and he yelled out a phrase including the word 'fuck.' And since he doesn't know me, and it's his first swear word, I got to pull one of my favourites. Although I've used it enough that it's getting dull. Starts with sharp in drawn breath and 'Oh my God - I don't believe I just heard that... That's so unprofessional.' and continues for as long as it needs to get them freaking out. Finishes with something like '...and I never want to hear that fucking language from you again.'

(excerpted from old jo  read more »