Started a new game yesterday, and no - J. is not someone who makes the People Lynne Would Want To Harm list. So that's cool. Game scenario is cool. Grenache Shiraz didn't seem too cool... but I think the issue was that mini musks are compulsive sweets, and the two don't go together.

It was funny. I got in the car in the afternoon and basically repeated my last entry in the flesh. Arm-waving and all. Then after I'd met J he said something mild and stopped to say he hoped he hadn't offended with that. So someone calmed him with a 'That's okay - you should have heard Lynne when she got in the car.' Amusing.

I never roll well when I'm making new characters... except for yesterday. I rolled so well. Two 100's - and one of those was from a roll of three zeros. I rolled THREE ZEROS everyone.

I've been listening to Recoil today. When I listen to this stuff, I find I'm happy he (Alan Wilder) left Depeche Mode. This is so much better.

'Want' written by Wilder / Blackman l vocal by Nicole Blackman

I want to know how it will end. I want to be sure of what it will cost. I want to strangle the stars for all they promised me. I want you to call me on your drug phone. I want to keep you alive so there is always the possibility of murder later. I want to be there when you learn the cost of desire. I want you to understand that my malevolence is just a way to win. I want the name of the ruiner. I want matches in case I have to suddenly burn. I want you to know that being kind is overrated. I want to write my secret across your sky. I want to watch you lose control. I want to watch you lose. I want to know exactly what it's going to take. I want to see you insert yourself into glory. I want your touches to scar me so I'll know where you've been. I want you to watch when I go down in flames. I want a list of atrocities done in your name. I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back. I want to remember when my nightmares were clearer. I want to be there when your hot black rage rips wide open. I want to taste my own kind. I want to be wrapped in cold wet sheets to see if it's different on this side. I want you to come on strong. I want to leave you out in the cold. I want the exact same thing but different. I want some soft drugs...some soft, soft drugs. I want to throw you. I want you to know I know. I want to know if you read me. I want to swing with my eyes shut and see what I hit. I want to know just how much you hate me so I can predict what you'll do. I want you to know the wounds are self-inflicted. I want a controlling interest. I want to be somewhere beautiful when I die. I want to be your secret hater. I want to stop destroying you but I can't. And I want and I want and I want and I will always be hungry. And I want and I want and I want.

[Music: Recoil - Want]
[Mood: crushed]